A Lesson in Self Improvement.

One of the things I appreciate about my brother - although I may not always like it - is his ability to set me straight. He doesn't mince words, he can be quite brutal sometimes, but because I know he is correct (unfortunately he's almost always correct when it comes to me), I listen.

The other day, I was talking to him on the phone, and he said he wanted to "have a word with me" the next time I went over. I swear I am not exaggerating when I say my blood ran cold. Because every time my brother wants to have a word with me, it's to point out a huge personality or behavioural flaw I have, and because he is telling the truth, it means I pretty much loathe myself during the days that follow.

Friday night was the Undoable One's birthday and everyone's intent (including mine) was to get completely smashed.

But as my brother succinctly put it, "Trisha, you're a very, very bad drunk."

And then he outlined exactly what I get up to when I'm drunk, and the points are as follows:

1. Become emotional
2. End up sharing a little too much information about my family history. ("No, it's not amusing, Trisha. It's stupid.")
3. Make wild gestures while talking and knock things over. (Although to be fair, I do this quite often when sober.)
4. Become arrogant and overbearing.
5. Become nasty and obnoxious.

I won't lie, I was pretty horrified. I have two problems when I drink excessively: the first is that I genuinely believe I'm more or less sober even when I'm drunk out of my mind, and the second is my memory blacks out so I can't recall my behaviour from the previous night which means I don't always realize just what an ass I make of myself.

I could make a blanket statement here and say I will never get smashed again. But that's stupid and unproductive. What I will do is set myself a limit. Three drinks, slowly. If I'm okay, a fourth. If I want another, a fifth.

But that's it. After the fifth, I'm moving to water.

No one wants to be the person who's always drunk, and whom everyone always laughs at (or is pissed off with) the next day. I definitely don't. Besides, I'm all cool and badass now that I've got a piercing on account of how piercings change your personality around. And being a drunk fool just doesn't cut it.

(I'm joking about the piercing. Which, by the way, hurts like a **** and I don't know why the hell I got it done - oh right, I was being stupid.)

But I digress.

Where was I? Oh yeah, being a drunk fool just doesn't cut it.

My New Year's Resolution was to find a cure for hangovers. But I think I'm going to amend it slightly - the aim will be not to drink so much that I do get a hangover.

And to comfort myself - because I'm still feeling quite shitty, I always do when I've been foolish - I will consider myself a Work In Progress. And one day I will emerge, the way a butterfly emerges from a chrysalis, and I will be the sort of human being people build statues of. That is the goal. Statues of Trisha commemorating her non-drunken foolishness, her wisdom, her charm, and the great deeds she has performed due to aforementioned wisdom and charm.

Okay then.

P.S. I will occasionally amend this principle I've set for myself only when I'm around people who love me unconditionally. This includes Mawii, Pill, the Servaias, MWF and Sharma (who, let's face it, is always drunker than me anyway.)

P.P.S For people suffering a similar problem: http://gizmodo.com/5962095/how-to-increase-your-drinking-tolerance-so-you-dont-make-an-ass-of-yourself-at-a-holiday-party

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