It's 10.30 on a Friday night.

I'm still at work.

There is beer and pot floating around though. Lots of beer and lots of pot.

But it's 10.30. On a Friday night.

And I have work tomorrow.

And I like having a blog that lets you complain to the public (yo, Dad!) with minimal effort. 


The Chase

One of the most ancient rules governing the man-woman relationship is the rule of the chase. Man expresses interest in woman. Woman feigns ignorance. Man persists. Woman evidently gives in. Man and Woman live happily ever after...until the divorce papers are drawn up. Another (more commonly occurring) variation to this ending is: Man moves on to new hunting grounds.

I mean, even my own mother has warned me about the Chase. 

"Don't just hop into bed with men. Kiss as many as you want, that's fine. But if you give in before a meaningful relationship is formed..."

They'll lose interest, is what she didn't say. 

We always see it from the point of view of the men. But what about women? 

I can only speak for myself here, but I find it very difficult to be interested in someone who is chasing me. Min has often accused me of being a man in female form and I'm starting to think she was right. I am only attracted to men who play hard to get. 

If two men asked me out on a date, and say they were both relatively nice people, but one of them definitely liked me, and I had no clue what the other felt, I would choose the second guy. And then probably drink too much on the date, bitch a lot about birds, and never see him again. But that's not the point.

The point is women like to chase too. And why not? It's a lot of fun. But because we're expected to be chased, and because we're all so trapped by the fear of appearing desperate, it maybe needs to be done subtly. Subtlety is also a requirement when you're shy. 

I am not shy after too many drinks. I remember once when I was attempting to flirt with the Undoable One, I proceeded to express my interest by plonking myself on his lap. It is not a move I would recommend. Neither would I recommend what I did during the many months I spent chasing Pill. Unfortunately (for you), I cannot document them on this blog. Pill gave in eventually, but it was touch and go there for a while. 

Anyway, it is for precisely this reason that if you are going to chase someone (and I applaud you for it, fellow female), you should do it properly. Don't be a red-neck hunter wielding a gun and bellowing. Be a ninja. Be quiet. Stealthy. Deadly. 

I have not experimented with all the following moves. Only some of them. The rest are drawn from my friends' experiences and my own intellect and logic. 

1. Don't be interested or disinterested. 

If the target is saying something that you obviously need to pay attention to, pay attention. It's rude not to. If the target is not telling a long and involved joke, or discussing his problems at work, or not addressing you directly, than don't pay attention. (Well, pretend not to. But eavesdrop. The information may come in handy later.) 

2. If you're laughing at something the target is saying, laugh normally.

Unfortunately this is where I have trouble. My laugh is sort of loud and weird anyway, but when I'm in the vicinity of someone I have a massive crush on, it takes on whole new proportions. It tends to have this maniacal tinge to it. Maniacal tinges are not attractive. If, like me, you're incapable of laughing normally, just smile widely. Or smile with your eyes. Or open your mouth but on no account let any sound come out so it's interpreted as silent laughter. Or (Mawii's advice) just go for the mysterious and enigmatic route.

3. Forget about 'subtle' touching. Don't touch.

Targets are actually not complete fools. They do know when a girl is hitting on them. Many girls (yours truly included) pull the I touched you accidentally move. Don't do this. It's painfully obvious. Instead, stand next to the target, stand very close (but not enough to invade the target's personal space) and not touch. What will hopefully be created is sexual tension (although that should already be there). Sexual tension is good. I've tried this move twice, I think, and it worked both times. Bada bing, bada boom.

4. A balance between talking and not talking is required.

Now this is where I fail miserably. I either stop talking completely (once it got so bad I had to leave the room) or I am incapable of shutting up. I just spew from my mouth whatever comes into my head. And unfortunately, if  I'm around someone I have a crush on, whatever comes into my head is usually spectacularly stupid. The one friend I have who manages a nice balance is Min. Although her voice gets screechier than usual. Haha.

5. Resist the urge to 'share'.

Ok, this is a personal opinion. It's just that when I'm with a guy who starts talking about his emotions, or how difficult his life is, or how he was psychologically tortured by a parent growing up - I find it hard to take that person seriously. So, in turn, I would never get emotional with someone I'm conversing with. I have taken a random poll and I find that most people agree with me. It's not easy to be attracted to someone who's weeping on your shoulder about a dead pet after knowing them only for a week or so. (The person, not the pet.) And if you're always sharing, it means the target doesn't really have to make any effort to get to know you. This makes the target lazy. A lazy target is a boring target.

I think that's all I can think of for now.

When I started writing this post, I intended to make it flippant. You know, something like - "Do not sexy-dance in front of the target because it's probably far from sexy". Or, "Do not try twirling a lock of hair around your finger and then get your finger accidentally stuck in it". I speak from experience, much to my dismay and regret.

Having said that, I admire girls who go out there with their gloves off. It should be okay for women to chase, dammit. 

But re-reading this post, I have realized - if you hate being obvious for whatever reason - how good, how real, how helpful this advice really is. And  living with my brother is rubbing off on me. He is always making up rules about the Man-Woman relationship. But his are dumb rules. I don't know how he ended up married. Mine are not. Seriously. I just read through this again and I wish I had a crush on someone right now so I could follow this. Man. I am overcome by my own wisdom. I'm also quite stoned. So I will go now. 


Then and Now.

So I currently have some time to kill at work because I'm waiting for my designer (my designer, HAH!) to finish working on whatever needs to be worked on. Facebook is blocked at work. One of the consequences of this is that I am now addicted to the news. But I'm so addicted to it even the news can't keep up with me. So today I turned to blogs. Including my own. Mine amuses me more actually. Yes, that's right. I said it. I laugh out loud while reading my old blog posts and congratulate myself on my own hilarity.

Anyway, I came across this post. I wrote it in February, 2009. That's four and a half years ago. That's a really long time. I can't believe it's been that long since I was eighteen. I...


Sorry, I had a meltdown there for a moment. It's over now. Anyway, because I am bored, I decided to go through this list that I made, all those years ago, to see if it still stands. The commentary that Present Day Trisha is making is in italics. Like this.

25 random things about me which I didnt want to put up on facebook because it felt too lame.

Not that this isn't.

Even at eighteen - when I was more of a moron than I am now - I refrained from posting this on Facebook. I won't lie, I'm quite impressed by this.

1. My favourite colour is green.

Still is. This is probably the only thing that has stayed constant in my life. One of my earliest memories is being made fun of in nursery school because green was a 'boy' colour. Idiocy starts young. 

2. I hate seafood. Including prawn, shrimp and crabs. When I see fish served in a fish like form- you know, with the staring eyes and the tail and the open jaw and the smell, I feel like throwing up. If it's in close proximity then I actually need to dash to the loo.

Still true. I do try to make an effort now though. I can eat sushi now. I might occasionally try some boneless non-fishy fish, or a piece of prawn. But by and large, I still tend to avoid seafood like the plague.  

3. I have a funny sort of anger. Sometimes cold and in control, other times a sort of delirious red hot rage.

I'm not sure if this is true or not. It takes a lot to make me angry.The delirious red hot rage thing only happens if I'm fighting with my mother. 

4. My favourite period of history is Tudor England. Or to be more accurate, the Tudors. I also like reading about the Mughals. I seem to be drawn to dysfunctional royalty.

Haha. Still true. 

5. I can go to sleep at will.

I have lost this ability with age unfortunately. Or maybe it's because of my years in Delhi - a hot, stuffy room co-occupied by mosquitoes and red ants were forces even I couldn't overcome. And once you lose the power, you lose the power.

6. Food makes me emotional.

I don't know what the hell this means. I think my mother told me that once because I started crying when that bloody Varun ate my french fries. They were MY french fries. I ordered them. And waited for them. And HE ate them. I was only six years old, but I think it's okay to cry if someone does that to you even at twenty.

But I don't think I get emotional about food anymore. My brother keeps eating mine and I really don't care. Pity. 

7. Crying people disturb me.

Yup. People really need to restrict the places they choose to have excessive displays of unnecessary emotion in. 

8. I'm not really arrogant, I'm shy.

Arrogant? Shy? I don't think I'm either anymore. I am occasionally awkward if I'm feeling uncomfortable in a social situation, but I like to think of it as an endearing sort of awkwardness. Yeah. Endearing. 

9. I do have stuck up snob like tendencies though.

I'm sure I do, but this has definitely lessened over the years. And I might say something snobby to Mawii about something, and have a laugh over it, but I'll never mean it. 

10. I could never form a lasting relationship with a boy who doesn't read.

FALSE, FALSE, FALSE. I would like to crack a book/bed joke here, but I'll refrain. But seriously. I know at least a couple of witty, intelligent, marvellous people who don't enjoy reading. 

11. If I hadn't been born in January, I would have liked to be born in September- solely because of Louise MacNiece.

I guess. I don't really care anymore. That makes me a bit sad. 

12. I think people who always go on about how their life revolves around music are lying. Most of them.

People have stopped saying this. I think maybe this is the sort of thing people say in school. There are obviously other things to talk about as you grow older. 

13. I'm extremely possessive about my friends.

This point is completely alien to me now, I don't know what I meant when I wrote it. I'm not possessive about people. 

14. I'm scared of birds, especially crows.

Haha. Till the day I die. But I'm a fairer person now - I hate all birds equally. 

15. I love- really really really love- my family.

I suppose this is true.

16. I always thought Harry Potter was kind of sexy.


17. Give me a sea and I'm happy.

Yeah :)

18. I like being drunk. Wine is my favourite way to get there.

Haha. This made me think of drinking cheap wine with Mawii at the PG. It still holds.

19. I judge people by the way they type.

Nope. Okay, maybe a little. I'm more flexible now. I don't want to scream if someone types your instead of you're, and I myself have started ttyl-ing people. Bt sumthing lik dis wud gv me a headake. 

20. Planes terrify me- especially takeoff.

Haha, my blog will testify to this.

21. Sometimes I lie awake and imagine the death of someone close to me and just by imagining it, I start crying.

I still do, but I no longer cry. Have I grown more heartless with time? Or less wimpy?

22. I'm a very morbid person.

Yup. And it's extremely entertaining. 

23. But I have an extremely happy life. Just plain and simple happy.

Yeah, I don't know if "life" can be happy. I guess you (in this case, I) can be happy. And happiness comes and goes. And - ok, I'll stop here, because I really don't want to write a goddamn post-within-a-post, but though I don't think this point is completely true, I do believe I have it good compared to most lives.

24. I want curly hair.

I really don't give a shit anymore. 

25. My favourite smell in the world is the one you get when you sniff the air just before it's about to rain.

And now that I live in Bangalore, I get to smell it quite a lot. :)