The Annual Re-cap

1. What did you do in 2015 that you'd never done before?

- Got fired.
- Got served with a legal notice.
- Twice.
(At this point I'd like to state I got re-hired and never went to court either because, you know, sometimes things don't become as bad as they could.)
- Held something that was dying. Man, what a cheerful year this has been.
- Admitted to hospital, hooked up to IV drips, the whole lot.
- Moved in with a boyfriend which didn't work too well obviously because I've moved out.
- Went about two months without drinking.
- Had to actively attempt to put on weight. It was surreal.
- Did not have a single stupid drunk embarrassing incident occur. That's right, baby. 365 days. No drunken regrets.
Oh god, the day I typed this, I did stupid drunk embarrassing things and I am dying now. I WAS SO CLOSE. SO FFING CLOSE. 
- Something work-related I don't want to mention in case it doesn't go through.
- Turned into someone that I am almost okay living with.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year's resolution was to severely limit my drinking, if I recall correctly, which I do, because I just checked. I managed to a certain extent. 
This year:
1. Continue attempting to be someone I can live with.
2. Use sunscreen because I am turning 25 and I don't want wrinkles and I'm not going to quit smoking anytime soon. 
3. Start rolling cigarettes instead of buying them.
4. Control my temper.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?


4. Did anyone close to you die?


5. What countries did you visit?


6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

Organisational skills. (Although these I have lacked pretty much my whole life, not just in 2015.)

7. What date from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory and why?

You know what? I've been through a lot this year. Many dates will be etched upon my memory, hopefully they will not remain.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Probably the way I dealt with it. Sort of. Sometimes. 

9. What was your biggest failure?

I'm not sure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Oh yes. Already - mostly - documented. 

11. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

My uncle because the realisation of how hard he works to take care of my grandparents has really hit me this year.
And Jahnavi because it's been an Annus horribilis for her, I think, and she's come out on top.

12. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

An ex-boyfriend from a couple of years ago. (Men suck.)
And someone else I don't want to name. 

13. Where did most of your money go?

Alcohol. Autos. Cigarettes. (WILL THIS EVER CHANGE?)
Oh, and food. And rent. And phone bills.
Oh god, now I'm depressed. 

14. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Mawii's visit in February.
That's about it.
So thanks, Mozo.

15. What song will always remind you of 2015?

I don't think I will know until next year. 

16. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

Maybe both, maybe neither. Let's put it this way: if I was happier last year, it's still not something I want to go back to.

17. What do you wish you'd done more of?


18. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Nothing. HA!
Actually wait. Maybe I wish I'd done less of nothing.

19. How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas has come and gone. I was in Calcutta and I spent it with my mother. And it was good. 

20. Did you fall in love in 2015?


21. How many one night stands?


As Jahnavi puts it, the men around here are all subhumans.

22. What was your favourite TV programme?
The Newsroom.
And Frasier, I went through a Frasier phase after years. 
Oh, and Master Chef. 

23. What was the best book you read?

A Fine Balance, perhaps.
There's another one but I don't remember the name.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?



25. What did you want and get?

Many, many things. 

26. What did you want and not get?

Emotional certainty? 

27. What was your favourite film of this year?

I don't knows.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 24. The same celebration as every year except this time - I wasn't excited. I didn't want to turn 24 because the next step is going to be 25 and that step is TWO DAYS AWAY OMG. 
I really like saying OMG. 

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing, I guess. It's been a difficult year, but I'm glad that I lived it.

30. What kept you sane?


31. Who was the worst new person you met?

No one!

32. Who was the best new person you met?


33. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learnt in 2015.

You can get through anything, anything at all. All you need is temerity and/or denial.

34. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.



I have never longed for and dreaded something equally in parts at the same time, ever in my life; and at the same time not cared.

So many emotions, and no emotion, all wrapped up in one fucked up bundle.

If I can handle this with grace, I swear I will not dread turning twenty-five; I will feel that I can, and that I have, coped. And that will make all the difference.