I think, honestly, that the only way a person can achieve true happiness, and by that I mean independent happiness, is to find it alone, and not to rely on other people.

It's ever so slightly tragic, given the satisfaction another human being can give you, but to find that same satisfaction, if not within yourself, which I believe to be impossible unless you are odious and self satisfied, is to find it in an impersonal sort of activity, to find it in people and objects - yes, objects - which can expand your intellectual horizons, without blurring your emotional boundaries.

I don't believe in resolutions, but if I have to make a promise to myself, I will make it this: it will be to search for a satisfaction independent of personal relationships, and beyond them.

It's not about finding happiness within yourself - a concept I've never been able to buy - but to find it in something that is inanimate, and finding a way to make it animate to you, and you alone.

Also,cigarettes are way too expensive. Everything is expensive. I have to cut down smoking. From tomorrow, I will only smoke after every meal. I don't eat lunch these days -  not out of a desire to fit into my jeans, if only I had that desire- but because of the heat. So one cigarette after breakfast, and one cigarette after dinner. And one in lieu of lunch because I must be realistic.

I want my lungs to be lungs, I don't want them to be tar. 

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