Daddy's turn.

Scene 1: Before my trip to KL and Bali.

Dad: Now remember, if you're going to sleep with someone there, make sure you use a condom. 

Me: *scandalised* DADDY! I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH ANYONE.

Dad: Yeah right.

Me: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 

Dad: That's okay. 

Scene 2: On the phone.

Dad: Zaev's got a job in Prague. 

Me: I know. 

Dad: You should go to Prague.

Me: Why would I go to Prague? 

Dad: You could do your post-grad there. 

Me: In Prague?

Dad: It's in Europe and you like Europe. Your brother will be there to keep an eye on you. Think about it.

Me: ...

Dad: Always keep your options open. 

Scene 3: In Madras. 

Dad: So. Have you ever smoked weed before?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: Hash?

Me: Yeah. 

Dad: What do you prefer?

Me: Alcohol. 

Dad: Me too. Want a drink?

Me: It's not yet noon.

Dad: It's Sunday.

Me: Okay. 

Scene 4: Cigarettes.

Dad: It's those bloody Americans. They're obese and popping it left right and centre, but instead of their food, they blame cigarettes.

Me: YEAH!

Dad: Look at Europeans. A lot of them smoke and they're long lived.

Me: YEAH! 

Dad: I'm not saying smoking's good for you, obviously it's not, but those Americans blew it out of proportion and now they've got the whole world panicking. 

Me: YEAH! 

Scene 5: Talking about my mother.

Dad: You know, your mother used to be fun.

Me: Really?

Dad: Mm. She was pretty wild once. 

Me: What happened?

Dad: She had you.


Scene 6: On the phone.


Dad: What did you have for lunch?

Me: Chappati and dal.

Dad: Guess what I'm having?

Me: What?

Dad: Steak with a fried egg on top, broccoli, mushrooms, and sauteed potatoes.

Me: That's so unfair.

Dad: I know. You poor little thing. Go out into the garden and eat worms. Bwahahahahaha. Okay, love you. Bye.

Me: ...