Dear Jahnavi.

Promise kept:
[8/14/2009 1:29:45 PM] sunrise: i'm just jealous.
[8/14/2009 1:29:58 PM] Trisha Dutt: want me to write one about u?
[8/14/2009 1:30:05 PM] sunrise: :)
[8/14/2009 1:30:13 PM] Trisha Dutt: I WILL!
[8/14/2009 1:30:30 PM] sunrise: (happy)
[8/14/2009 1:30:31 PM] Trisha Dutt: yaay. i always love writing things to you/about you- like the orkut and hi5 testimonials.
[8/14/2009 1:30:35 PM] sunrise: (nods)
[8/14/2009 1:30:36 PM] Trisha Dutt: because there's always so much to write.
[8/14/2009 1:30:42 PM] sunrise: :O
[8/14/2009 1:30:46 PM] sunrise: sunrise is very flattered.
[8/14/2009 4:26:47 PM] sunrise: did you write a blog post about me yet huh huh?

When you asked me to write this for you, I thought it would be incredibly easy. Easy because I've known you for so long- so long that I don't remember a time when I haven't known you. But I've been sitting here for the past ten minutes now and for the first time, I can't think of something to say. Because there's so much to be said? Such an old, old problem.

I don't have a first memory of you. Nowhere to start. I'm thinking about you as a little girl and for once, I'm not being able to see things in words or paragraphs. Only pictures- snapshots flying through the air, allowing me glimpses here and there. Ahh, my mind whispers in remembrance, and the moment is gone, replaced by another.
What do I see?
Jahnavi running around Pixie Mashi's garden, wanting to build a bonfire.
Jahnavi whispering something into Tara's ear.
Jahnavi pinching Varun, because he double dipped his chips into the tomato sauce.
Jahnavi sitting on the CCFC cannon, flying to the moon.
Jahnavi laughing, because she's happy.
Jahnavi running away from an invisible Lettuce Ham.

And then slowly, so slowly I almost miss the change, you start growing older.

Jahnavi wearing lipgloss, and me envious because I'm not allowed to yet.
Jahnavi reading Danielle's death with tarot cards, wide eyed and believing what they say.
Jahnavi swimming Butterfly, faster and faster because Farhad is watching- or so she hopes.
Jahnavi crying, because Adito said something mean to her.
Jahnavi starving her Neopets.
Jahnavi shouting, because she is Jahnavi.
Jahnavi making fun of me for wearing a skirt, and turning up in a shorter one the next day.

And now, as they keep switching around, great switcheroos in the making, I see you and I am amazed because you are so different, and yet, still the same.

Jahnavi daring me to break into the house of the Seventh Floor People.
Jahnavi bringing Sims 2 over to my house, and the two of us squealing in delight.
Jahnavi showing me how to put a (youknowwhat) on my (youknowwhat).
Jahnavi cycling, while I hold onto the cycle and rollerblade after her.
Jahnavi sitting in my room, talking about music and Wrik and Egypt.
Jahnavi squeezing my arm until she draws blood, while I stick a needle into her ear, and laughing once she sees the little stud shining there.

And now you're a teenager and so am I and suddenly it's the moment we've been waiting for all our lives.

Jahnavi with Sidharth Pradhan's arm around her.
Jahnavi holding my hair back while I throw up my first ever vodka shots.
Jahnavi stealing my clothes.
Jahnavi telling Siddharth Sharma to look at the moon, hoping he's going to kiss her.
Jahnavi holding me while I cry about Ringo.
Jahnavi sitting next to me in Oly, downing beers with me.
Jahnavi sitting outside Mama Mia, not telling me what's wrong with her life.
Jahnavi crying, with tears I believed were false.
Jahnavi hugging me quickly as she sets off on a new journey and I stay where I am.

And so you went to where the sun rises and it rose for you there and I stayed behind, believing the album had run out of pages. And I think we were both happy- you, discovering the new, and me, content in the warmth of the familiar.

But you see, I've realised that some albums have pages that go on forever and ever and ever. And when you came back this summer, it re-opened itself again, and photograph threw itself on photograph.

Jahnavi sitting with me at Someplace Else- the first time the two of us have ever ventured there alone without the boys.
Jahnavi smirking at me because she sees something in my mind that I've been trying desperately to hide from everyone else.
Jahnavi sitting in Mangio, laughing at me as I slowly put a finger down while playing Never Have I Ever.
Jahnavi sprawled on my bed, eating mango ice cream.
Jahnavi lying on my terrace with me, both of us believing we're magic.
Jahnavi shrieking, as I tell her a secret that pales in comparision to all other secrets.
Jahnavi watching me, this time as I set out on my journey.
Jahnavi with earphones on, as the ugly golden bus trundles along the highway to Jaipur.
Jahnavi in green silk, shouting at her mother.
Jahnavi saying goodbye, again, and walking down the road as I get into an auto and go the other way.
There are so many more memories I want to describe and so many more things I want to say about you. But sometimes, and this is one of those times, you have to sit back and let the pictures do the talking. With us, and I believe this with all my heart, they'll talk forever- whether we like it or not.


Anonymous said...

"Jahnavi lying on my terrace with me, both of us believing we're magic."

Know that I love you, I love you with all my heart.

Zaev Dutt said...

1) Where is the post about me?

2) What secret(s)?

3) I know exactly how you feel. The album never closes forever. It may collect a little bit of dust, but it'll always be opened again and you'll always add more to it.

A lot more than you ever expected to or hoped you would.

Thanks for the SMS.

trish said...

1. I already wrote a post about you a long time ago. I refuse to keep writing posts on demand.

2. You know them all already.

3. :)