Confessions.

It's taken me four days to watch Gone With the Wind. Even then, I still have the last ten minutes to watch. I don't care. I know what happens. I know, I just know with all my heart, that the last ten minutes of the movie will take me another two days. So I can't be bothered, historical moments be damned.

I really haven't been doing all that much. Just sleeping. I thought the two weeks in Madras would last forever and ever, but time's been slipping by very quickly. Will it always be like this? I meant to do lots of wonderful things- draw and read and study some art history and watch classic films. All I've done is sleep. And watch Gone With the Wind. Its all been very unfulfilling.

I need a life. The thought of living in Calcutta for the next three years, under my mother's roof, makes me feel ill. Not that she's a bad mother. She's quite good actually, as mothers go. But still. It's the principle of the thing.

Also college. College is a problem. Where to go. What to do. How to do it. Joey's been preparing interviews for Stephens and JU. This is freaking me out. I never thought about preparing for interviews. I sort of thought I'd just go there and wing it. Turn on the charm and babble about nonsensical things in a very serious way. Might not work in this case though. Scary thought.

And why am I doing Literature? Thinking of doing it. What the hell am I going to do with it after? Write a book? Haha. Fat chance. And I don't want to be a journalist. I found this article on war correspondence though, and I loved it. I wouldn't mind giving that a try. Trouble is, apparently, as a war correspondent you have to share your bed with scorpions. Check your boots for them. I freak out if I see a cockroach so I don't know if this is the career for me. Cockroaches and scorpions scare me more than bombs and machine guns. But maybe I just say that because I've never been exposed to a bomb/machine gun.

I have been exposed to a sword. I found it hidden behind my grandmother's cupboard. It was a proper sword and I took it out and tried lifting it and then nearly dropped it on my foot. A bit like Tom Tulliver. I put it back very sadly. I don't know where it is anymore.

Chennai is very hot. But Calcutta, apparently, is hotter. I don't want to be anywhere. I just want to crawl into a dark corner and stay there. Which is stupid, because this month was supposed to be a month of Adventure. Discovery. Learning.

Plans never work out.

I'm going to watch Dial M for Murder. Grace Kelly is depressingly beautiful. A while ago, I was watching Vivien Leigh. It's a good thing I have good self esteem. This may sound a bit cliche, but somehow, most actresses today- even though they're very attractive- seem slightly cheap by comparision.

Nick was telling me about his dog yesterday. The dog's name is Gus. As in after Fat Mouse Gus in Cinderella. Gus is also on facebook. I find this hilariously cute. Also, I didn't tell him I cried while watching PS I Love You. And Little Women. And basically every movie I've ever seen that has just a little bit of sadness in it. I cry a lot.

It is extremely aggravating.