Once again, I feel like writing (okay, I don't, I'm just putting off writing radio scripts). And once again, I have nothing to write about (okay, I do, but I don't feel like writing about that). So I will write about my mother because that's always fun. Especially for my father.

She just left Bangalore after paying me a week-long visit. Here are some excerpts.

1. "I irritate you? *I* irritate *YOU*? Believe me, I don't irritate you as much as you irritate me. NO, YOU IRRITATE ME MORE. NO, YOU. NO, YOU. NO, I AM NOT BEING CHILDISH. STOP IRRITATING ME."

2. "Fine order the cookie, but don't expect me to have half of it. I'll just have a bite, you have to finish the rest yourself."

*Five minutes later*

"Oops. I think I ate half the cookie. How did that happen?"

(I didn't know either.)

3. "Fine, if I nag you so much, I'm not talking to you. Nope, I'm not going to say a word.

*Ten minutes later*

"Baby, I don't want to go away. I'm going to miss you. Huh? When did I say I wouldn't talk to you?  I don't remember that. Babyyyyy....."

4. "I think it's time to close a door on that relationship."
     *Five minutes later*
    "If you want, I'll buy you a ticket next year so you can go to him and fix things."
(This swinging stance went on for a while. She was more confused about the aforementioned relationship than I was. But I'm happy to report that I talked her through it and she's in a better place now.)

"It's important never to judge a book by its cover."

*A little later*

"Eesh. Why is that woman so FAT?"

"You know I've gotten better looking as I've grown older. And I think that's going to happen to you too. So when things are bad, baby, and you need a reason to keep going, just remember that you're going to improve with age. Doesn't that make being alive more comforting?"

(It sort of does.)

"Don't drink, baby. You're not supposed to drink anymore. Stick to soda, okay?"

I come home, alcohol free. She's leaping around with a glass of wine.

"I think I'm drunk. Tee hee."

But the weird thing is I miss her already and I miss her everyday.
Well, okay. Most days.


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